*Today at church my heart was very tender. I found out just before midnight that my dear friend, former roommate, and Maid of Honor Pat Tejada had passed away from a second fight with thyroid cancer on Friday. How do you make sense of that?? Cancer is no respecter of persons, but in my world, it has taken the best of the best. I hadn't had time to process it, as we had to get to church at 8:30 am for choir practice. Our ward was presenting the two choir numbers a week early, since many of us would be out if town on the following Sunday. I got to sing for the first number, but had to play the piano for the second ("Oh, Holy Night"), and I needed to be focused for that. But before that song, we had a speaker. He started with saying that he needed us to know that we are in the true church of Jesus Christ, that He lives, and that His Atonement is real. A simple testimony that I've heard countless times, but it meant a lot to me in that moment. I saw that I needed to hold on to the Atonement as one who is grieving, and to try to find peace to make "sense" of her death. I didn't see the end of the process, but I remembered there was a path, and Who was on it with me.
*The speaker also said he was asked to summarize what the gospel of Jesus Christ meant to him. Before he gave his answer, I thought of one word: peace. His own answer was hope, and I fully agree with that. Before the service began, I was thinking that I didn't feel very Christmas-y any more. But the hope that came with that baby boy is the reason that there IS Christmas, and this was my unfortunate opportunity to have to reconcile and remember and apply this to my situation.
* I wasn't particularly nervous to play the song, even though in our practice I had not done as well as I would have liked. My mind was just not engaged enough. I didn't want to distract from the Spirit, though, so I prayed for help. It wasn't perfect, but it was enough.
*I taught our Primary class about Revelation 8-14, but focused on the cloud of darkness from the pit that represents temptations, and the tools we've been given to overcome them. I shared a video about how sometimes when we're in the deepest darkness, the Lord will send someone with light to help us out. Sometimes we're the ones being sent to help others out of darkness. I often feel that's my role. But I'm grateful for those that come get me, and let me use their light for a bit.
*Caytie and I sang in our Stake Christmas concert in the evening. I love participating in this whenever I can, so the words and music are in my mind all season. There was a duet presented that I hadn't heard before, and it really touched my heart, especially with Pat on my mind. I want to share the words here:
Somewhere In Your Silent Night
By Casting Crowns
All is calm and all is bright
Everywhere but in your heart tonight
They're singing carols of joy and peace
But you feel too far gone and too far out of reach
Somewhere in your silent night
Heaven hears the song your broken heart has cried
Hope is here, just lift your head
For love has come to find you
Somewhere in your silent night
From heaven's height to manger low
There is no distance the Prince of Peace won't go
From manger low to Calvary's hill
When your pain runs deep
His love runs deeper still
He has always loved you, child
And He always will
Somewhere in your silent night
Heaven hears the song your broken heart has cried
Hope is here, just lift your head
For love has come to find you
Somewhere in your silent night
Lift your head
Lift your heart
Emmanuel will meet you where you are
He knows your hurt
He knows your name
And you're the very reason that He came
Somewhere in your silent night
Heaven hears the song your broken heart has cried
Hope is here, just lift your head
For love has come to find you
Somewhere in your silent night
Love will find you
Ooh, love will find you
Love will find you
